I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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