we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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