I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
