Screwed.edu
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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