Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
false alarm, still single
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
