she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
