Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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