My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Damn victory sex feels great
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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