fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
