two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
