My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
