It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
