This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
