I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
