If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
