i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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