Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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