I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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