Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
