You just made me feel so damn special
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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