peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
