I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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