I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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