I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize