I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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