No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
