i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
