first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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