For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
