...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
