I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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