Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
