But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
