we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
