everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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