I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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