Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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