I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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