i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
