I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
