Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
