I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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