I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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