I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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