Where is the hickey?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
