JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
