K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
