so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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