Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
