Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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