I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
