my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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