I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize