Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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