Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
