Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
