on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
